For me, Fear is not normal. So, when I start to fear, I know something is amiss.. off kilter.. you know.. a low in chocolate or something?
This week, I had this strange experience of being afraid of teaching my regular pilates class. I've been teaching for about a year, and I wasn't having difficulty before the break. Then because of the holidays and snow days, it ended up being a 3 week break. Ugh.
All I can think of is this:
1. I've put on a little weight; nobody likes a chubby exercise teacher.
2. I can't remember a rollup from a plank.
3. The "other" exercise teachers are "better".
Ugh. So, it was time to start teaching on Wednesday, and I couldn't tell if I was sick or my little one. You know how mommies have that strange ability to project their symptoms on their kids and spouses? So, I called for a sub and then later realized that neither of us was sick, but I had developed some sort of fear-of-teaching-exercise phobia.
Incidentally, there is no name for such a phobia. There wasn't even a fear of exercise phobia listed. Hummph.. I can't believe it. Anyway, I called my sweet Mom (above). She prayed with me. She asked me a simple question, "Is this worth it?"
Is it worth it? Yes. I love it. But I put it to prayer (again) and asked God to give me a fresh vision here. Yes, I'm a busy mom, and I do a lot of things, but I need this. If I'm not teaching the class, I might be tempted to not go! Also, I can be a light! and an encouragement! I also have training, so I can help women be healthy! It doesn't take that much time, and I do think it is worth it.
So, I girded up my loins and put on many layers and ventured out today. I humbled myself before the Lord and asked for help. Yes, I have 10 pounds to lose, and yes, my knowledge is a little rusty, and there will always be someone who can do it better. But I have THIS day to improve and give it the best I can, and I did. I really did. I'm back! I'm going to teach those people, with God's help, I will.