Monday, May 10, 2010

It's not North Dakota's fault..

Have you ever been in a really bad place in your life? No, I do not mean location.

Have you ever been so depressed, so discouraged, so overwhelmed, so..? and you happen to live somewhere, and then you move? That's kind of what North Dakota represents for me.

It's not like there was nothing good that happened there. It's not like we didn't meet a ton of great people; we did. But... things were not "right" in my life.

If you've ever been a military wife, you know the drama of having to pack up and move (often!). Sometimes you are not wanting to leave, and other times, you are ripe and ready to go.

So, when we had four little ones, a big country home on 10 acres, and a stable job for my husband, you think I would have been as happy as a clam. No, I was just plum overwhelmed.

So, it's really easy for me to look back now and see why it was such a hard time. We've lived in Rockford for almost 10!! years now. Prior to moving here, the longest we ever lived anywhere was about three years. We have been out of the military for over 12 years--is that possible?

And yet, there is a side of me that still has nightmares about North Dakota. Why?

So, my kids know that when I am looking for something to complain about, I will often revert back to North Dakota. After all, it's easy to pick on (it doesn't fight back), and it's so far away (16 hours by car?) and it's so easy to pick on an area that has 40 degrees below zero!

So, despite my unhealthy relationship with a mere area of land, I am contemplating facing my fears and going back into the battle zone. (Jamie told me that they'll do this with veterans to get them over their fears. They will send them back to the location of the battle to help them get over things..)

So, what am I going to do? Well, there's this discipleship camp that Jamie went to last year that is in North Dakota. I must admit that I sorta sent him there as a "punishment" for being a sass last year. It ended up that he loved it. It was no sweat for him to be there; in fact, he really wants to go back. So, I am contemplating driving him out there and helping out at the camp in some way.

First, I have to see if they need my help, and then I have to get over my fears of going there. But it will be good, AND it will be summer. Summer is a great time of year in North Dakota.

See? I'm psyching myself up for it. Just because everyone in North Dakota knows that I'm a basket case doesn't mean that I can't redeem myself in ONE week. What am I thinking? The entire internet knows I'm a basket-case, so why do I care about one little state?

Hey, if there is anyone who reads this from North Dakota, it's not your fault, nor is it your state's fault that I am a basket case!! Whew! Felt good to get that off my chest!

This is what is making my house sing Mondays..


Braley Mama said...

Sorry it was not a good time for you. It is interesting how God uses places to teach us things. I hope it ends up being a special time for you!

Becky said...

For me, my "place" is the apartment we moved to just as I was giving birth to my first-born. Literally, I went into labor 10:00, the night before we were set to move. I labored while various family members moved all our stuff (and put it all in the wrong rooms even though the boxes were clearly marked, AND colored coded). Anyway...maybe it was all the upheaval that surrounded that move and the mess that abounded once I did get home from the hospital (although kudos to my hubby and older brother who did their best to make it somewhat inhabitable before I saw it the first time), but that place never seemed like home and I hated living there.
I hope you are able to go with your son, and work through everthing.

Herding Grasshoppers said...

Oh my friend, sometimes it's a place and sometimes it's a person...

I'm working through it too, but don't think I'll be putting it on MY blog.

Go to North Dakota! I'm cheering for you!


momstheword said...

I have never been there but I don't like really cold winters. I have some friends in the military and they have moved a lot!

I'll bet you will enjoy helping out this summer. Thanks for linking up!

Sheri said...

Can I join your club? Here is my ND story in a nutshell-dad was transferred in the summer between my junior/senior year of HS. Bad-terribly bad. Then, I had to go thru my senior year not really having any pals that I had any memories with-to putz thru my year to graduate with basically 200+ strangers (granted I did have friends, but most of em were younger-didn't fit the cliques I guess) and then spent another year til the end of my first college semester there, in the freeze zone. I do not have the best memories either. I totally get what you mean, and I don't think most NDians would mind-they get it too. You can do it brave girl-esp. since you know it is but for a visit. Yes? The experience taught me that I can survive stuff I never thought I could, and do it with a fairly good attitude (I did have fun and actually still have a friendship with a gal I met in college-some 20 some odd years ago, so it wasn't a total bust) and I did get to see the Mandan Fort and cruise Main St! LOL. But like you-I would rather forget I ever did live there. Thanks for the walk down memory lane-and you are right, it isn't ND's fault. It is what it is.

Mrs. Parunak said...

I totally understand. Totally. I have some weird associations, too. It kind of reminds me of my dog. When he was a puppy we bought him these expensive vitamins that he LOVED. He thought they were the biggest treat ever. Until one day, when he suddenly got really sick. He was throwing up and had diarrhea (sorry to be gross), and continued to not want to eat hardly anything for a whole month. (My husband's dear grandmother was in the process of dying at this time, and we were helping his mom care for her at home, so that's why we didn't get our dog's health sorted out as quickly as we ordinarily would have.) Anyway, finally one night, he threw up this giant mass of stuff, including a tremendous amount of fabric, with staples still attached, off our couch. He was little enough to crawl under it to do his chewing, so we hadn't noticed the missing piece. The vet said the ball of junk was as big as our puppy's stomach. He had been in agony and starving for the month, but he didn't know what had happened. He figured that it was something he ate. He would never touch his vitamins again after that. Now they reminded him of the feeling of having staples in his gut. That's how people often are emotionally. We get the feeling of staples in our gut and then we don't want to touch things that we associate with that rough, rough time.

I think maybe going back to ND is a great idea. You know in your head that it's not ND's fault, and now maybe you'll have a chance to convince your heart of the same thing.

MommaMindy said...

What Discipleship camp are you talking about, now that Box T is retired?

Ironically, North Dakota was my time of rest. The Lord brought us from hard times in ND, to a beautiful place in the country for $100 a month rent. We had four of the best years of our life there. Sorry your memories aren't as sweet.

Mrs. Santos said...

I would be interested in how it all turns out for you. I feel a dread and disgust everytime I go to California. I grew up there, my whole life. I left in my twenties to live in Alaska, got married and moved to Washington...All my family lives in California, and I love to visit THEM, but can't stand California. Just didn't like myself there.

sara said...

Maybe it IS North Dakota's fault. I had an aunt who survived one semester there before coming home a sniveling mess. She couldn't hack the winter there and had a hard time getting out of bed.

Sheri said...

Hi again-we are in the Oxford area near Lk Orion/Auburn Hills/Rochester area. Near the Palace (sports arena).
I like Marquette. Very pretty up there. I enjoyed reading your ND experience and sure is nice to meet ya! :0) Blessings to you. Sheri