Business or badness Part 2

In this series, I'm investigating some of the issues that surround multi-level marketing. If you would like part 1 go here and you will be up to speed.

For now, I'd like to examine the business aspects of the MLM, specifically, the products.

Often the products of a MLM are not available anywhere else than the founding company. In a sense, this is what keeps the company alive, financially. And I am not saying that the products in these companies do not have merit. In many cases, the products are very good.

I am a personal fan of Shaklee's vitamins "Vita Lea" and their cleaning product, "At Ease".

There are so many new companies out there that these probably pale in comparison to what is actually out there. But before you buy the testimonial evidence of your local MLM rep, you may want to do some investigation. Many of these companies have come under legal investigation and been charged with false claims. I guess the best way to test the product is to really test the product yourself.

If the products did not have significant impact in the lives of the users, there would be no business at all. So, something must be working.

So, if the products are great (assuming they are), what's the problem, then?

1. Too expensive retail pricing. The cost of these products has to be high, in order to sustain the business model. The goal is not to obtain a ton of retail customers; the goal is obtain a ton of distributors. The high priced model sustains the multi-level industry and allows the industry to function on a retail level. Anyone who likes the products and has their head on straight will automatically "want" the distributor discount, right?

And if you do like the products, this may be a viable plan for you. The problem is with business quotas. Now, you have a year to make your quotas. So, you start getting customers.

An ideal MLM situation would be the type that has no minimum quotas and no start up fee.

Another idea situation would be to sell your products at the minimum discount allowable to everyone.

Well, wait, this isn't business then, is it?

Did you start out with the intention of making money or obtaining products that you like cheaply? So, when did you go from enjoying your products at a discount to starting a business?

So, am I saying that having a business is bad?

Not at all! I love business. I'm all about making money from a business. But for something to be considered a business (in my book), it has to have the following requirements:

1. A product or service sold at competitive prices--not prices completely jacked up through the roof. Let the market decide what the price is. An MLM structure completely eliminates the competition by locking you into a "system" of buying. If I can buy vitamins at the store for $10.00, why are they $28.95 in an MLM? (Oh, but they are soooooooooo much better..)

2. My work in the business, whether selling a product or service is profit for me, not for the other 17 million people ahead of me. If I have hired someone to work under me, I will pay them wages. If I've hired a sales person, I will pay them a percentage. But paying someone a cut from my hard work who provides nothing for me (no insurance, no benefits, no retirement) is kind of odd, don't you think?

A 20% profit (on the retail price) is not enough for my time. I need 50%, and that is not ever rewarded to an MLM rep, even at the highest level. When I was selling Bosch, my distributor who sold $60,000.00 a year, only got 35%!!! You've got to be kidding me!

3. The profits should be calculated in cash inflow, not ranking in the system, discounts on products, cars, trips, and other weird stuff. If it truly IS a business, there should be cash inflow at the end of the year (eventually). People who have entire basements full of inventory (in order to meet their quotas) are not enjoying a cash inflow. They may be enjoying the products at reduced prices. They may enjoy a tax deduction at the end of the year. They may even enjoy the prestige that goes along with being thought of as a top sales rep within their industry, but very few MLM sales people actually receive cash inflow.

4. Of course, some people make money and have cash inflow, but it's not going to be you. Why? How do you know that? O.K. I take that back. YOU could invent a scheme, a product, a line of products and come up with your own MLM. You could be sitting at the top of your pyramid. And trust me, if it weren't for ethical reasons, I would have started five of these already. Seriously. Money is to be made, but not by you. It's the guy at the top, or else why else would he do it? The Dark side of MLMs for more on this topic.

Do you think it is from the "goodness of his Christian charity" that he willingly "shares" his profits?? Now, we are touching on the crux of naivety. Oh, they share it alright. A big fat 20% of the retail price.

So, the product is produced for $2.00. It's retail price is $8.00. Let's say you are a the highest level of an MLM structure and you make 35%. So, 35% of $8.00? Are you ready? Inhale... $2.80!! That's right. Realistically, you will never get to that level. It's more like 20%. So, what really is the total? $1.60! Did it cost you more in time, gas, free samples and the like to make $1.60? And did your upline make a cut of that? Well, if they did, they had to share a portion of their 35%. They only make 35% from direct sales, which is a small fraction of what they are doing at that level. They are making a lot of recruiting at this level. So, either way, corporate still makes 65%!! ($5.20) So, let's do the math. It cost $2.00 to produce this product, remember? After expenses, corporate still has made $3.20! What a good deal, eh? (for them)

And the owner of the company still makes a lot more money (per sale) than anyone else. And if you are a distributor of products, do you even have access to what it costs to make the products? Have you thought to ask? What exactly does go into making this product? Something tells me that that information would be highly confidential.

5. So, I feel the products are WORTH the price that I am selling them at, and I am content with a 20% profit, so is it still wrong for me?

No, I think you have the freedom to make strange choices with what to do with your time and money. But you do not have permission to inflict your recruiting techniques on your friends and family and most definitely do not have permission to bring it into the church. And this was the main impetus for the writing this series.

6. There are so many good resources out there for helping people recover from this drama of being highly involved in an MLM, primarily PINK TRUTH, which I doubt is a Christian resource, since it was formerly "Mary Kay Sucks". Since that was too offensive, they changed the name. In other words, if you are not a Christian and you really do not care how this affects the church, but you still want help sorting this out, go to these other sources and click around. And I can hardly get myself to stop laughing at this: Believe.

A must see!!!

More later on the Christian perspective..

Post 588!

Should it be legal to inflict pain on the general population and write 588 posts?!!

Just wondering.

I don't have a lot of time to write, but I'll give you this for now.

Conversation with my mother:

Me: "Mom, do you think mothers with four teenagers should take valium?"

Mom: "No. Then you'd miss everything. I do, however, think a barf bag would be helpful.. since you're always on a roller coaster"

Here's a conversation with my friend from last week:

I'm directing traffic to our kids (her three, my four) "Hey, why don't you guys play that loud and rowdy game now, and get it over with before we watch the movie"

Friend: "Wow! Your mom is really organized. Hey, you should write a blog on organizing."

Me: "I would, but I have nothing to say!"

So, with that, I think I'll go disrupt the peace somewhere else now.

Blessings 1-5

What makes my life a blessing? What am I thankful for?

1. Handsome, almost 45-year-old engineer, Bible-scholar, who has graciously put up with my antics for almost 19 years. Even though you are shy, intelligent, and serious, you manage to find some degree of happiness with me--your flighty, spontaneous, hedgehog, blitzing, OCD, ADD, TMI wife. I can not imagine 30 seconds without you. You are worth more clean laundry than I give you. Thanks for ironing your own shirt last week, even though you got it out of the dirty pile and didn't notice it was dirty until after you got to work. It's love like that that makes a marriage strong (smelling).

2. Daughters. Little daughters who act grown up.

And grown up daughters who can still act little.

Could there be any more sweetness in either one of you? I love you guys.

3. #1 son, James. Yes, he is a blessing to me. While he anxiously waits for his Air Force Academy appointment (or lack thereof), he is using his time wisely over spring break to finish his Physics modules, attend a faithful men's Bible study retreat with his father, and talk with his parents late into the night. While all three of those things are important, as a mom, I am most thankful for the latter. (Yes, meaningful communication is my love language) And even though the talks were mainly about: "What kind of food do you want for your graduation party?", It was significant.
I need to keep reminding myself that just because a kid is leaving for college next year, it does not mean that we will no longer have any time for talking to him. Here is a pic from this year's robotics season.

4. Mom visiting. Mom just got here on Friday. She just fits right in to whatever we are doing around here. As long as I do not leave her alone to "spontaneously feed the masses", she's fine. When I appear to have no plan whatsoever and invite a ton of people over for lunch, she calls that "spontaneous feeding of the masses", and of course, we did that again today.

5. Sons. Nathanael (below) #3 son/ Even though you took a long walk with your buddy, Josiah last week right before I was going to call a blitz and managed to not come back for a very long time, you still are the cutest little man. I know you are frustrated that I took your dresser out of your bedroom and put it in the office. I know the bathroom near your room needs fixing. I know that life does not happen fast enough for you, and there's never enough breakfast for your liking, thank you for putting up with us for now until we can get it together.

Hudson #2 son, just turned 14. I can hardly believe how much you've grown up this year! You are taller, stronger in your faith and better at your cello than you were last year. Thanks for drinking coffee with me--it obviously hasn't stunted your growth. Thanks for playing care bears with your sister. Thanks for making great pizza dough. So, this is what is making my home sing/ and helping me to be thankful. Thankfulness is like a good medicine.

Is this business or badness? Part 1

Everywhere you look, things are creeping into the church. And for the sake of "not offending anyone", we are all silent. We graciously say "no thank you" and let well-meaning people continue to wallow in the sea of bad decisions.

Meanwhile, the waves of financial chaos, friendship manipulation, and spiritual fragmentation are crashing on all sides of the pews and pulpit alike. What is this well-packaged intruder that splintered the Gospel focus in the name of financial security? Can you guess?

It is usually labeled as an "opportunity". It's more like a "flop-or-turn-on-me". Do you have it yet?

Multi-level-marketing. MLM for short. Companies that sound like "Shamway" or "Manna-take" or "Longest burger baskets" "Mary (fake-it, til you make it) Kay" and others like it.

First of all, I should define terms. Multi-level-marketing is a "business model" of several layers.

Let's say you come up with a product to sell, preferably something that has a lot of value, such as laundry soap, cosmetics or miracle-cure vitamins. If you jack the price up to double or triple what its actual worth is, you can easily share your profits with as many underling salespeople as you want to. If you recruit one underling, you agree to give them a 30% discount. If they are able to recruit other underlings, they make a share of the profits from their underling.

You can use this discount to merely buy products for yourself, or you can recruit and get others to recruit. Before you know it, there are several "levels" that you have created above and beneath you. The people who recruited you are your "upline", and the ones you recruit, are your "downline"?? (not sure of that term) Either way, there are many (over 350) of these types of companies in existence today, and more get added to the ranks every year.

Overpriced products: The miracle of this system is that extremely overpriced products are the cash cow of this business model. What would possess seemingly normal, intelligent people to buy such overpriced merchandise? To promote their business quota, of course!

Here's a good example. Let's say you buy a can of pop for $.65. You drink the pop, and notice there is a $.10 refund. So, now you've just made 10 cents! So, the more pop you buy, the more money you make.

Now, if you just add incentives to this plan, you almost have the profit structure of a typical MLM. Let's say you could buy your pop for only $.35 a can, if you can "purchase" more, either through your sales recruits or for your own personal stash. And really, it doesn't matter if you like the products or not at this point. Once you get so entrenched in this, you will consume products as often as you can just to keep your numbers up.

Hey! Wait a minute! My MLM is not selling pop, already. WE sell nutrition--full bodied nutrition that you can't get anywhere else, like pure WHEY protein. And vitamins that cure everything and anything. And things that have purely secret things that have documented testimonial evidence..

Yeah. If I were selling miracle drugs that were not verified by the FDA as the true miracle that they really are, I'd rely on testimonial evidence also.

There are many things wrong with this business model on so many levels. We are going to talk about them bit by bit. If you are reading this and you are highly involved with the recruiting aspects of your current MLM, you are going to bristle at this. For now, don't get all upset or even quit your MLM. Just ponder these thoughts and see if they apply to you.

Consumer level problems: Consumerism in America is based on competition. That is what keeps our prices reasonable. As soon as our choices are limited, we end up spending a lot more money than necessary. Keeping your own budget in check tends to go out the window when you are on the consumer level. If you have merely bought into an MLM for the pure purpose of getting a discount on the products you actually like, this is the only viable form of involvement in this scheme. Keep in mind, you still are paying more for a good product than you should be, but it could be worse. You could become a recruiter.

Recruit level problems: Once you've been bitten by the greed bug, it's hard to wake up out of it. The promise of fortune seems so real that many, many people buy into the sales-person approach to "paying for the products they like". I am literally looking at the tip of iceberg when I make this list.

1. Relationship issues: You've worked so hard to form relationships with people, but you are about to become the disdain of everyone you know. Recruiting your friends and family is the next logical progression to business model. Everyone knows it, and everyone HATES it.

2. Financial issues: Statistically, less than 10% of MLM salespeople make money. Do the math and see what you are actually "making".

3. Spiritual issues: There are so many! I guess I'd rather sell laundry detergent than some of these miracle cure drugs, at least God could be thanked for doing the healing.

Fragmented focus/ lack of focus is the main issue that I can think of at this moment.

I think I'll stop there. I just cringe when I hear of yet another friend plunging headlong into this nonsense. I'm reaching out to you, whomever you are, and trying to get you to see this craziness for what it is.

Writer's Shoulder?

I'm sitting here typing and my shoulder hurts, of all things. It hurts the most when I scroll on the track pad. I have blogger's shoulder, obviously a symptom of something.. washing dishes too hard? rolling out homemade bread dough? internet overload? It's a new fangled version of writer's cramp, I think.

I even tried scrolling with my left hand. Feels funny, you know? But is that stopping me? No. Then again, my shoulder pain probably wasn't caused by typing, since I do that all of time.

It was most likely caused by my biggest looser style of getting my muffin top to disappear. I'm so moderate, you know. I never overdo it... I'm so even keeled. Laid back.. (snicker)

whatever. And another thing I hardly ever do is try to impress people. (yeah..)

So, I have this friend. O.K. I have a lot of friends. But this friend is a special gal to me. She's a younger gal who laughs at my jokes. (Does she know my love language or what?)

Anyway, she has joined the Y--my Y. And she even attends the classes I teach. I'm sure she could get better classes, but she attends MY classes. See? She obviously loves me.

So, I don't want to let her down. I set up a schedule for both of us to attend a pile of classes together. I know she wants to see results--fast. O.K. then, this is what we've done.

Monday night: Cardio class

Tuesday morning (cardio class AND pilates)

Wednesday morning (pilates)

Thursday (cardio and pilates)

We'll take tomorrow off

Saturday (more cardio and strength training)

So, uh.. do you think we're overdoing it? nevermind.

Anyway, I'm having a blast spending time with my friend and watching her grow in fitness. Getting in shape is one gift that we give ourselves but the people we love really benefit from it the most. A healthy mommy is a happy mommy. And a happy mommy is a happy family.

So many women feel selfish for taking care of their physical fitness needs, since it takes time, energy and sometimes money to accomplish the goal. I would say that it is : time, energy and money well invested. It is a gift I give my husband and my children and all the people in my sphere. I'm agreeing with God that the creation of the human body is a beautiful thing, worthy of respect and care. (not worship, but respect and care)

My friend and I were discussing how sometimes Christians will see a bad practice in the world and their reaction to that bad practice is to run as far in the other direction as possible, often times farther than the Scripture takes us.

I think that how Christians view their bodies and things like physical fitness has gone the route of extreme correction in some circles. Yes, the worldlings are self-absorbed body image obsessors. Yes, they live purely in the physical realm and for things of this earth. But does that mean that those of us who are living for eternity have no responsibilities with earthly things? including our bodies? I think you get my point. The hardest thing for us, as thinking Christians, to do is to rightly divide the Word and make sound judgements. It's so much easier to generalize rather than think through each thing.

And yes, even those of us who make it our "ministry" to help others tune up their earthly vessel will often fail to understand or apply all that we know about fitness to our own bodies. And we will even injure ourselves in the process. That doesn't make it wrong to exercise.

And some will exercise to the point of obsession and love their image in the mirror and get boob jobs and sidetracked and forget about their health. That also doesn't make it wrong to exercise either. It does, however, prove that taking our eyes off of Christ and on to ourselves will take even a good thing, like exercise, and turn it into sin.

One year to an Organized Life.

I am reading a book. (applause) Thank you.

I am reading: One Year to an Organized Life by Regina Leeds. I checked it out from the library, in hopes of refreshing my mind and spirit about organizing.

And it worked! Will and I conquered the office on Monday. I can't say how much of it was purely because of reading the book, but we did it.

About the book: Regina calls herself "the Zen Organizer". Obviously, you all know that Zen stems from Buddhism. And, quite honestly, it's all the rage to sound "Zen". You might as just as well called yourself, "the cool Organizer from L.A.". In reality, the book has very little to do with Buddhism or it's beliefs. It has to do with common sense.

In other words, it is probably doubtful that a person grounded in the Word of God is going to convert to Zen, by purely reading this book. But I thought I should mention that, just because.

One of the reasons I like this book is that she takes a new look at the reasons behind disorganization. Each individual has his own hangups. So, what I might even call "Christian counseling techniques" she talks you through your "issues". There are issues for each of us.

I like the idea that a lot of these are legitimate. It would be the "don't feel guilty about it" approach. For example, she thought is was a HUGE thing to have two children and breastfeeding the baby for at least six months! (Uh.. how about four children and breastfeeding for over two years?) I suppose hardly anyone is L.A. breastfeeds, you know?

And sometimes the things that we are doing other than organizing are legitimate things, like having babies and all. So, the way to cope with this is not to beat yourself up over it. Make a plan and deal with it.

In my case, the office was an example of the evidence of a busy lifestyle. Both of us were too busy to give it daily/ weekly attention. It took both of us to recover it. Now that it's clean and organized, my hubby wants to be down there, doing what needs to be done.

I know you want pictures, but I decided to not take photos. Some things in this life need to be private. I have such a peace about it, and it was the Lord who gave the victory! And he used a little book, written by a Zen lady.

This is what is currently working for me this Wednesday.

Just put it on a billboard then.

Does everybody talk as much as I do?

O.K. don't answer. It's not fair. I was born with the loquacious gene, the gift of gab.. or lack of gift, I suppose. Gift implies that there is some good there. You tell me.

Here's the scene.

My friend Shelly and I just finished our Saturday workout with the killer bee. (Yes, I went back..) And as we walked into the locker room, I noticed two ladies talking. Actually, there was one lady talking, and the other was in a proverbial head lock, imprisoned by her friend. I catch vibes like that.

So, I jump in the shower and dry off, get dressed and proceed for the hairdryer.

They (she) is still talking. It was about a book club. Somehow, I got wind that they were in a book club together, and some other person who they both know managed to not only quit the book club but announce that the club was disbanding. The horror! The shock! I know. A situation like this requires hours.. even days of therapy.

I could tell the lady in the headlock was doing her best to downplay the situation. But every time she mellowed out, her friend, the drama queen of the nifty fifties, managed to stir everything up again. Her friend was not budging. She remained nonplussed.

I drowned it all out by blowdrying my big hair until every follicle was dry to the bone. Alas, it was time to use the curling iron. And I was back on the drama queen channel again.

So, with curling iron in one hand and hair spray in the other, I blurted out,

"Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you rent a big billboard in the middle of town that says, "Such and so tried to cancel our book club, but it is still on. She is a looser any way, like everyone knows.."

They turned to me and burst out laughing. (I took a risk there, so I was glad for the laughter)

And then they proceeded to tell me about how wonderful their book club was and what great books I should be reading and dove right into the plot. But before they could get too far, I asked them if they had seen the commercial with a book club in it. They hadn't, so I had to go into great detail about it.

I'm not normally one to ..uh... post about Bud Light, since I don't really drink and all. But the mere description of this commercial sent them into peals of laughter, and the imprisoned headlocked gal made her exit rather smoothly. I, on the other hand, felt like I had done a good deed for the day-- rescuing the gal and all--not necessarily promoting Bud Light.

Bird insanity..

CLUNK.

3 more seconds.. CLUNK..

5 more seconds.. CLUNK..

For the past 24 hours, a kamakazi bird has been trying to fling himself at our window. This, bright, beautiful seemingly-intelligent red cardinal is not going to be happy until he faints from exhaustion trying to land in our living room.

I'm watching it. I want to feel sorry for it, but how can you feel too sorry for something so ridiculous? He's probably searching for a mama cardinal (below). Dude! We don't keep them in the house!

Hey, dumb little birdie.. I put some seed on the deck for you. Nathanael said you were crashing into his window all night long and into the morning. He's pretty crabby about it.

You see the trees over there? That's where you'll find whatever you are looking for, OK?

Oops the crashing stopped. I better go check and see if you died.

Hey! What's that, perched right outside of our window? You guessed it. A big mama cardinal, looking sexy. O.K. I get it now. But do you really have to be so dramatic? She's impressed already.

Never a dull moment around here.

For awesome bird photos that describe the situation perfectly, go to Deborah's.

That's it; the office is getting conquered.

I'm having a showdown with the scariest, most formidable room in my house: the office.

Are you saying, "How nice for you.. I don't even have a spare room for an office. I balance my checkbook sitting in the kitchen."

Having an office space was necessary for our lifestyle. Since my husband is not only an engineer, he's actually a preacher, a spare Hallstrom teacher, a ham radio operator, an expert woodworker, a toastmaster, a grad student, a dad, and the family "book keeper". When I put it like that, it's no wonder that the space gets out of control. We carved out a space in the basement and finished it off. It actually looks pretty nice when it is all picked up.

And where do I fit into all of this? Well, for the most part, I just avoid going in that room. I don't enjoy visual overload. No, it's beyond that. Going into that room sends me into a sweat, and then I start having an anxiety attack. To cope with my anxiety, I respond in anger.

I went down to try and access the situation and came back to think and pray about it. My daughter saw me sitting on the couch.

"Is there something wrong, Mommy? You look pensive."

"Yes, there is. I'm not pensive. I'm angry."

(Her eyebrows raising) "What's wrong?"

"I was just in the office. There are little angry demons down there--little green ones.."

"Rooms don't make me angry. I've never heard of a room that makes people angry."

"Well, now you have. And could you pray for me?"

"Yes. But this counseling stuff is hard.."

Poor thing! I shouldn't unload on my sweet daughter.

I can do this. People have actually "hired" me to organize their offices for them. I need to get a grip. Why is it soooooooooooo hard when it's your own space?????

And I have been praying about helping my husband a little more with the office tasks. It's been so hard to help him, since I can't go in the room without getting upset. So, in order to help him, I need to get the space up to my standards. Get it?

It's been a bit of a spiritual journey for me. I have to humble myself and admit that God is calling me to get involved with the office work. (I guess I've considered myself above that or something?) I need to cast my cares on him, since this is going to cause me some stress. (Money and books are stressful to me--even in the cleanest office) And I need to be obedient to this, even though I am fighting it tooth and nail. (I have a strong will, you know)

Other than that, life is peachy around here. My friend Shelly got off to her next location, and we had a blast. And my kids are enjoying their spring break. And I am going to have another cup of coffee, read some more of Colossians and conquer that monster.

"Whatever you do, work heartily as unto the Lord, and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." Col 3: 23-24.

Make my home sing Monday: at Moms the Word! Join us over there for others who are making their home sing.

I want to get organized but..

I want to get organized, but I'm too disorganized to do so.

there. end of post.

Just kidding. I know what you are thinking,

"just blitz, sweetheart.. Come on,

you can do it.."

You are right. I can do it, and I will, but I have this great friend staying at my house. My college roomie, Shelly is here for a few days before she heads to Boston for a conference. Shelly

is an experienced ELS teacher in China. She's been teaching off and on in China for the past 20 years, and she occasionally lives in the states to get her masters degree or teach at a college. She's only in the states for a week and chose to visit me--since I live near O'Hare, and that was a direct flight for her.. Yeah!!!

We are so busy talking over college memories, shopping, giggling, going out to lunch,

working out and talking to perfect strangers. (story on that later)

Shelly arrived Wednesday at dinner time, and our goal was to get her through her jetlag and keep her awake. Don't worry about that. I'm sure that if she wanted to go to bed earlier than she did, there would be no opportunity. You see, we always seem to want to EAT and have guests after prayer meeting. The kids invited Shannen over to play cards and EAT until 11:00 p.m.

And, after teaching two pilates classes, grocery shopping, making dinner and running back to get my friend and then eating/ chatting until 9:00 p.m., I'm in no mood to "direct traffic" and get the house picked up before bed.

When the rest of the family was at prayer meeting, Shelly and I ate our dinner and had a cup of tea together in our quiet house.

"You know, Shelly, this is the last quiet you are going to experience here during your visit.."

And I was right. No sooner had I said that and the doors crashed open and the activities began. And sure enough, they wanted to play "PIT"!! Can you get a louder game?

So, the good news is that everyone slept well. Shelly and I had a full day planned for the next day. We did have a leisurely morning of coffee (for me) and tea (for her). I managed to blitz with the kids before we left--just to clean up from the night before..

And then we were off! Lunch at Applebees with my Bible study girls, shoe shopping, Target, thrift store shopping, and then a cardio workout, more pilates teaching, making dinner and collapse!

So, now I need to blitz today.. Clean up the carnage! Love you guys..

Hedgehog mama on left with educated, sophisticated, friend on right. Socks from Target, the Easter collection.

Why I love Old Spice..

One of my son's friends sent this to us, and the pure weirdness of this made him think that I would think it was funny.

And of course, he was right. Except he doesn't know the half of it.

Despite the fact that this commercial is "ridiculous" as my daughter just said as she watched it, the funnier part is that I have been secretly sneaking my husband's OLD SPICE deodorant and wearing it.

Not everyday, you know. Just for the tough jobs. Like blitzing for example. I have my wimpy deodorant, but I prefer to wear my husband's. You think I could just break down and buy my own and put it in my drawer--but NO! You see, I don't want to admit that I smell like a--MAN!

And, I just want you to know that I am perfectly feminine in all other ways. Except the razor. O.K. I like his razor better too. But beyond that, I really am feminine. And I try to cover up the smell with peach flavored fru-fru. On most days, I'm a walking spice aisle. Not really.

I think I need to go put on something pink to redeem myself. fruuuufff...

and we never let that stop us..

So, today was our big homeschooling co-op day. Tuesdays will go down in infamy in my children's minds the way gym locker rooms in the public schools go down in mine. In a word: overwhelming, yet a necessary evil. I love 'em and hate 'em all together. It's kind of like fried chicken.

Fried chicken from Popeye's-- can it possibly get any more caloric, salty, greasy, savory and expensive? And all in half the time it takes to eat in a decent restaurant? I think not. And that is precisely why it is a treat. About once a year or so, I treat my kids to Popeye's fried chicken. Today the weather was a balmy 64ish, and we had a gap of time in between our co-op and our gavel club. So, the kids decided we should go to the park and eat our "feast".

So, before we got to the park, I asked the little one, "Do you have to go potty?" And like all little ones, she said, "No"

You would think after FIVE children, I would learn that kids always say NO, even if it's been 12 hours since they've gone. The answer is always NO. It must be a real inconvenience or a sign of weakness to say "YES". Yes, I am a human being and have to go potty..

Anyway, I just took her word for it, and we got in the car and drove to the park with the chicken. We no sooner got the chicken and sides unloaded at the picnic table, and guess who has to "go"? The only problem is that the bathrooms are about a half a mile away.

So, I said," Hey, when I was a kid, growing up the U.P., we learned how to go behind a bush,"

All the kids groan...... "You are NOT doing that mommy. Take her to the bathroom. It's your maternal duty."

"Now wait a minute. There aren't that many people here, and I'll just take her to that clump of trees over there..."

"MOM! People are ubiquitous! You HAVE to take her to the bathroom!"

"Oh yeah? Well so is negativity, and we never let that stop us.."

(Why are people always trying to separate a perfectly content fried-chicken-eating mommy from her food??)

Nevertheless, I managed to get her to the bathroom before she exploded.

Is it possible that any of my kids won't need therapy when they are adults?

And ubiquitous? What have I raised? a bunch of loquacious, sententious big shots that need to encourage me in my maternal duties? really.

Don't hit "publish"

Lately I've been writing posts, letting them get published and then eliminating them from eternity.

It's like I have a lot to say, but then I second guess myself and "delete" the post a few hours after it is up. So, if you are wondering what is going on around here, so am I. I can't seem to get my thoughts to line up with my audience.

Or I can't find an audience for my thoughts! That's it! It's like I should go searching for a specific audience of people who enjoy my disjointed, disgruntled attitude that comes out in a reactionary negativity. Oh joy!

Now that I've got that out of the way, I think I'll tell you what I've been doing lately.

Are you ready? I've been planning the next year's school schedule for the kids. Except that next year's schedule only includes four children. As you know, we're launching this kid.

It seems odd. For so long, I've been planning all of the academics for James, and next year someone else will be in charge of it. I will not be able to breathe down his neck, checking to see if he is ready for school the next day. (Not that he let me do this)

And our other kids? Well, one child wants to take the maximum amount of classes that are offered for her grade level.

Another kid is happy with whatever I have planned for him.

Another kid would be perfectly content with four gym classes and two lunch periods.

And the little one says, "Do I like my schedule?" And I say, "Yes, you do. You really like your schedule." And she says, "Yes, I like my schedule.." But then again, she's in kindergarten. Her toughest class is going to be "Amazing Animal Science", followed by Art, Fabric Fun, brownies and around the World with Literature.

One of my boys was given the illustrious choice of either a) attending brownies with his little sister or b) joining the drama club. So, I guess we'll have a kid in drama, eh?

The other boy was also given the same option as above or joining the math club. So, we'll have one in the math club.

See how democratic my parenting style is? I'm all about rights. I have the right to decide what you are taking, and you have the right to do it. Easy peasy.

And since I do the job of signing the transcript, I think I'll take responsibility for getting them into decent classes for next year.

So, that is what a homeschooling mommy's job is in this style of homeschooling. It's more like being a logistician than an educator at this phase of the journey. But that's just fine with me. I've worked hard to get this far, so why should I let some school have all the fun of planning this stuff out?

So, that is what I've been tackling today. 5 minutes for Mom/ tackle it Tuesday.

The Killer Bee

You guys know that I teach a pilates class, right? Well, teaching pilates is not the same as actually taking pilates, and I have become increasingly out of shape!

So, I went to this workout class on Saturday morning, thinking I would encourage my friend, "the killer bee" (since she doesn't want me to use her real name)..

Encourage. I almost died. It was the hardest workout that I've ever had. No wonder she's the size of a 10 year old. yikes.

So, I'm huffing and puffing next to this lady who was also huffing and puffing. I looked at myself in the mirror: beat red. So, I turned to my new best friend and said,

"I used to be a white woman, but now I'm a red woman."

In which she started to laugh and jiggle right along with me. Later on in the class, after I caught my breath, we were boogying together, trying to stay alive. I couldn't tell through her dark skin if she was beat red or not. All I know is neither of us died, and I'll probably go back next week.

So, the next time you think you are going to encourage someone by attending the killer bee workout class that they teach, be careful. You might just get yo butt kicked. just sayin'

Make my home sing Monday link up.

Fun, random Stuff..

My dear hubby (on the left) and a new friend, Kevin from Montana traveled to Moody together this week. Kevin was someone Will met at one of his previous classes. When he found out that Kevin was coming back, he offered to have him at the house for a night to save on hotel and food expenses. The kids had an especially fun time with him. He played games and ate pizza. The Lord's people are so nice. You can feel like you've known them for such a long time, even though it's only a few hours.
The next photo should speak for itself. If there's any one reason to be a stay-at-home mom, it should be moments like this. I know she has to grow up at some time, but why? She and I are the only ones home this evening. Will and the other four are in Milwaukee for the Robotics Regional Competition. Emily and I are eating quesadillas and watching Ratatouille for the millionth time. It's a cooking show--seems to be theme of this weekend. Anyway, I am deleting my last post about being disappointed. You regulars all read it and sympathized with me, so that's it. Time to move on.

Speaking of moving on, the kid is moving on. You know my son, Jamie, Robotdude, the kid who doesn't realize Abraham drinks organic milk, and that his government teacher is a lot better than his mother.. is actually moving on in this life.

Just this week, we found out his ROTC scholarship for Michigan Tech University came in. He was offered a full-tuition/ full room/ board 4-5 year scholarship. He is still waiting on news about the Air Force Academy, but his Plan B is "locked and loaded" as he said on his facebook account.

The funny thing is that I am quite sure he has NO IDEA how special that is. On Tuesday night, I was talking to Will and he said, "Did Jamie tell you the news?"

"What news?"

"You mean he DIDN'T tell you?"

I had been with him off and on all day at Hallstrom, Gavel Club until the kids had to go to Robotics. It wasn't exactly a ton of time to talk, but he could have mentioned something, you know.

The only thing I can think of is that he has NO IDEA what this means. How many people live in debt for YEARS over schooling expenses? But that's O.K. Time will teach him. Getting the scholarship is only half the battle. The next battle is keeping it. He's chosen a tough school with a good reputation.

I'm still in shell shock. My first child, completely homeschooled, and here we are--getting a full ride scholarship, straight out of high school. Seems rather incredulous to me. Then again, everything God does is that way.

And yes, I had to leave you for the weekend on a happy note.

Fun

Post update: This is how we homeschool right now. And it is also why I call myself the world's laziest homeschooling mother.

Do they know what they are getting into?

Fabio Viviani from "Top Chef" is going to be in Rockford on Thursday at the Coronado Theater.

So, what does that have to do with the Organizing Mommy? A lot.

Just because I do not watch T.V. or do anything cool for that matter, does not mean that I don't stumble upon a magazine once in a while. And if someone delivers a free magazine to my door, I'll probably pick it up and read it. So, that's what happened.

I noticed a cooking contest. I decided to research it online and submit a recipe. Since the deadline was the day after I noticed the contest, I tried sending a link of one of my recipes from THIS little blog. Yes, the little organizing mommy blog with my hokey pokey recipes.

First of all, can you guess which recipe I submitted?

That weird GREEN SMOOTHIE recipe that is my own rendition of the green goodness..

Here's my little recap of that post:

Green Smoothies revisited..

This does not require

1. buying any expensive equipment

2. buying strange foods that are hard to find

3. or taking hours and hours to prepare something that will be consumed immediately.

But, I am not saying that it's not weird!!

It is totally weird. That's why I love it.

For once, it's not my hair that's weird. It's just my.. food.

So, what is this weird food that I am eating??

It's spinach that makes it green. Weird, I know. To make it worse, you combine several cups of leafy goodness with frozen fruit, yogurt, orange juice concentrate--to cover the taste.

There are several variations to this, but it is pretty good!

So, the next time you see me, and I have green things hanging from my teeth, you'll know it's part of the reason for my energy. Just call me pop-eye.. olive oil? Just don't call me late for my green smoothie!

Recipe:

Frozen mango (1 cup)

plain yogurt (1/2 cup)

fruit juice or water (1 cup)

spinach (2 cups)

frozen juice concentrate 2-3 spoons full

ground flax seed 1 T.

protein powder 1/4 cup (optional)

Whirl around/ blend smooth

bon apetit!

Now, can you guess who made it into the top 5 finalists? Yes. That's right. So, I'll be at the Coronado Theater Thursday night. First, I have to go over to Giovanni's and demonstrate my recipe for Fabio, and then I have to go to the V.I.P. party and THEN watch the cooking show at the Coronado.

So, that's that. Pray for me. I'm not even sure how to prepare for this. Any ideas?

Remember that I was trying to prepare him? Should I call my mind-mannered husband who is studying Greek at Moody this week at prepare him for my fame, or just let him watch it on T.V.? Who knew it would come THIS soon, eh? I think I'll hold a press conference for my kids, the other homeschool moms and the chipmunks in my neighborhood. LOL. Really. On second thought, I hope I remember to go!

Poking at Poker

When you think of "poker", what do you think about?

I'm trying to sort this out in my mind, so bear with me here.

I get this image in my mind of a smoky bar, and people crouched over a table, whiskeys in hand served by a gal named Dinah.

The reason I'm asking is because not one but two reputable Christians that I know not only admit to playing but actually say they enjoy playing poker and allow their children to play with them.

Why does this not settle with me? Is Poker a card game like any other card game? Or is it instinctively more addictive? If you are playing a game for fun (and not for gambling) is it wrong?

I'm not an avid card player. For the most part, I think they are a waste of time. But I have not thought of all cards as any worse than let's say... playing monopoly.

Or is it my reputation that I'm worried about?

I can see it now.. Joanna has just started a courtship with some fabulous fella from some fabulous family. And they ask her,

"So, what does your family enjoy doing together?"

"Oh, we love to play poker!"

Start the smoky bar images in their minds. They now imagine Joanna's mother and how she must look. Big blonde hair, too tight jeans, bulging cleavage, holding a whiskey. Name is Trixie.

Yeah. You see? It's just not what I want to happen, OK?

It's not in overdrive enough!!

Overdrive.. it's just the speed I do things in.

I can't help it. I move fast. really fast. If I'm not pulling G's, I'm probably asleep.

So, this morning my dear husband made me some toast.

"Wow! How did you cut the bread so thinly? I've never been able to do it that way!"

He says, " I just use this knife here," and he holds up this bread knife with teeny tiny little blades.

"That knife? I hate that knife. It never works for me!" (not that any bread knife works for me)

He says, "Oh, you have to cut really slowly with this knife. You can't go into overdrive with this one, so you probably wouldn't like it."

"Overdrive. That's it. If it doesn't work in overdrive, I have no idea how to use it.."

196 m.p.h. is the average speed that I like to go. I can't imagine slowing down enough to cut bread slowly, just to make it thin. If you want bread around here, you either cut it yourself, or eat a thick slice. That's just the way it goes. If my sweetheart is home, he is required to cut the bread. So, he is not tempted to complain about my skills. Isn't that generous of me?

Speaking of generous, my mother saved me the anxiety of having to finish this project.

I tried. I seriously tried. I think I have to give up quilting for lent.

I called my mother on Saturday, "Mooooooooommmmmmmmm! (whiney voice) I caaaaaaan't do this awwwwwwwwful quilt... If I promise to never make another quilt again, could you finish this for me?"

And she said, "Yes!" and then I was light as a butterfly and flitting around the house.

She explained that when she was working with teenagers, she couldn't concentrate on anything. Do you think I qualify since I have (almost) four teenagers? So, she reassured me that I would get my concentration skills back when the kids were not teens anymore..

Or is it that one can not quilt in overdrive? Not sure. I need to stop quilting, so my mother can have a life again.

For more like this, join us for makes my home sing Mondays at Moms the Word.

Hilarious

I'm not sure which is funnier--the fact that my kids filmed this and youtubed it without me even knowing OR the actual video itself! Yes, these are my weird kids. I am laughing so hard; I think I'm gonna wet my pants.

Blitzing without parents

On the way home from prayer meeting, Wednesday night, Joanna said, "I feel like turning on some loud music and cleaning up the house really fast,"

(Notice she didn't say blitz, as to not insult her brothers. It is generally understood that the kids do not use that word)

"Sounds good, honey. But do you guys think you could manage to clean up without me? I know how you all like to have me barking orders and all, but..."

Backseat boys, "Oh, no! We'll do it on our own! You don't need to be there."

Me to my sweetheart, "We'll be taking our tea in the bedroom tonight."

So, we did. He made a pot of tea and we scrambled up a few cookies and shut the door, as to not to disturb them. I know they would rather not have us interfering with their hard work.

While we sat and tried make coherent conversation, I didn't let the roar of everything disturb me. It was hard, but sometimes, you just have to lay off those kids and let them do their thing.

I have no idea how late they stayed up, but it was fairly decent when I woke up the next morning.

Being an organizing mommy is hard work, but someone's gotta do da job, eh?

Healthy DATE cookies

I made these in hopes of my kids not liking them. I had visions of Will and I sitting in our little tea-drinking spot, drinking gallons of tea over one or two cookies here and there. Bonding like.

No such luck. I tried. They were good enough for the kids OR they just condescended to eating them.. either way. The batch was gone in about 48 hours. Not to sound like a greedy pig or anything... but now I'd like to hide a few of them next time.

They use dates. What's a date? It's this fig-looking thing. My kids said that it reminded them of a larvae they studied in biology. I was hoping THAT ALONE would have kept the critters out.

See what I mean? Kind of weird. Anyway, you need a small truckload of them to make this.

And if you are looking for this on google, do not put "date images".. er uh.. yeah.

Anyway, the recipe!

2 1/2 cups of chopped dates (food processor works fine)

1 cup of butter

1 cup of brown sugar

4 eggs

Mix all in mixer.

Add: 4 cups of wheat flour/ or spelt/ kamut, etc.

1 cup rolled oats

1. t baking soda

1 t. salt

2 cups of chopped pecans

1/3 cup flax seed.

Roll into little blobs. Bake for 350* for 13 minutes.

Rotini sausage mix

Accidental successes in the kitchen need to be given the glory they are due, don't you think?
I like this because it incorporates a ton of veggies, and you can use whatever you happen to have on hand.

BIG BATCH INSTRUCTIONS:

Cook 2 boxes of rotini noodles--makes about 8-10 cups of noodles

Cook 2 packages of Italian sausage (one spicy, one regular)

To cook the sausage, I remove the skins before cooking and brown all the meat like you would for ground beef (minced)

Veggies: fresh broccoli, snap peas, green onions, red peppers, spinach, and mushrooms. (about 6 cups of veggies for this size batch) You can use any veggies for this part. This is just what we like around here.

Cut the veggies into bite sized pieces and saute in butter. Season with salt. If you do not want to use very much butter, steam the veggies in a little water, covering with a lid.

Drain the sausage. Combine the pasta, sausage and veggies. Add some pine nuts and parmesan cheese for a garnish. Serve on a bed of fresh spinach.

Makes a huge batch!

I will be with you..

I have to show you what came in. I won a contest from 60piggies. I had to pick a phrase/ verse/ date to put on a charm necklace.

After deliberating an embarrassing length of time, I emailed her back and confessed that I was still thinking. How can someone who has so much to say on a blog not be able to even find ONE thing to say on a necklace?

I prayed about it. Nothing came. I knew it had to be a verse of hope. I was trying to remember what verses were especially helpful to me in dark times. Ah yes, now I remember.

I settled on this verse: Isa 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.

This verse has special meaning to me. When I was in the midst of post-pardum depression and all the encompasses being in a deep dark hole, I felt like I was walking through deep waters. I felt like the waves of circumstances were trying to drown me out, but I called unto the Lord with this verse.

He heard me and delivered me.

I don't normally get personal about that kind of thing, but I think that the reason I laugh so easily now is because I have been through the waters and the fire (in a sense) and survived. The few trials that I've had are nothing compared to some, but they were as much as I could handle. Nothing more. nothing less. God directed and planned.

I can not imagine going through this life without him and his promise that

I will be with you..

Death by milk..

So I opened the fridge and noticed a gallon of chocolate milk that was not there before.

"Hey, who bought the milk?"

Oldest son, "I did."

"Do you need to be reimbursed for it?

Son: "No. I wanted to buy something with my own money, and I bought chocolate milk"

"O.K. then, next time could you get organic milk?"

Son: "Why? this one was cheaper. And why does it need to be organic anyway? You know Abraham lived a long time without organic milk. "

(not wanting to get into this at that moment) "O.K. well, I guess it won't kill you.."

Son: "Yeah. I had this urge to die.. So, I bought non-organic milk, in hopes of it killing me.."

Whatever! Muck it on down then!

More creative writing

My young writer's group meets on Tuesday afternoons. Technically I "lead" it, but as you can see from their writing, there is quite a bit of talent already there. One student's work is featured here, and I added my little poem beneath hers. The theme was "falcons" if you couldn't guess. (borrowed internet images)

This student will be known as "H.A. Frond" and writes The Knight.

The Knight by H.A. Frond/copyright 2010

The kingly falcon flies above

The whole sky as his realm

He reigns a tiger, not a dove,

Brave bird without a qualm

A veil lifted from his eyes,

Mighty bird takes flight

Wings his way unto the skies

A Deadly flying Knight.

With brightened eyes, keen and sharp

He searches for his prey

The beating of a tiny heart

The falcon's favorite prey

The warrior beats his feathered wings

His shoulders roll and flex

His piercing cry like a clarion rings

His talons come unclenched.

He plummets like a thunderbolt

His wings blot out the sky

Hears every foal and every colt

The fearsome falcon cry

Hidden beneath green leafy fronds

An unsuspecting shrew

Drinks from a peaceful hidden pond

Unknowing of his doom

Then, like an arrow, straight and true,

Shot from a hunter's bow,

the stern, quick knight comes from the blue

And opens every toe.

Quick as a flash the claws enfold

The lifeless body lies

In knightly talons made of steel

Taken to the skies

The spectacles by Jena Webber copyright 2010

Perfectly aligned with the prey on the ground

Charged a falcon at the speed of sound

Nothing could hold back this magnetic attraction

The mouse is the charge, the falcon the action

Swirling and diving toward the epicenter

of this hurricane of offense, talons at center

Down below, an unsuspecting mousy creeps

Collecting nuts and daisies, making little peeps

Look up little mousy! Poor little chap!

In his demise today? What a slap!

Just when all hope seems lost

Little mousy peers up, counting the cost

Thinking quickly, not assuming his demise

reaches into his satchel and seeming very wise

Pulls out his spectacles in full gleaming sunlight

blinded that old avian carnivore in full speedy flight

Instead of landing on his prey

he crashed into a rock instead

all the mice came out to celebrate

and to cut off his wicked head

To this day they have his talons

bronzed and hung up high

to warn potential attackers

that the mice here are not only spectacle-wearing

but very, very wise!

I'm trying to prepare him..

This weekend, I kicked back and watched the Pioneer Woman on Good Morning America and Fox. After all, it is not EVERYday that a woman who homeschools four children and lives through the lens of her camera creates this world of fame for herself just by being herself.

So, I thought it would be appropriate if I prepared my husband for what MIGHT happen to me some day, if.. let's say.. Good Morning America has a shortage of hedgehog blogging mamas that they need to interview. Even if I haven't written a cookbook or any book for that matter, doesn't mean that I won't or can't. And if I do, it will be "Happy Life according to the Hedgehog" or something like that.

So, I made him watch the clips. In between preparing for the next day's sermon and studying for his Greek I modular, he managed to humor me by watching the Pioneer woman make a pot roast.

"Do you think you can handle it when I get famous, honey?"

"Oh sure,"

On Monday, he doesn't even forget, "Did Good Morning America call yet?"

"Oh sure.."

And then I start whining. "You know that new blogger, Emily@under $1000amonth made $1,000 last month on ads?" ( where IS your blog, by the way??)

"So, that's good. She needs the money, you know. We make more than $1,000 a month.."

"Yeah.. but.. I think I make like $13.00 a month or something."

"It's just because YOU haven't been discovered yet.."

"That's good thing, eh? Who has time for fame and glory and money anyway..?"

Not us. Nope not us. But now he's prepared, just in case. I warned him.

Peppery Potatoes!!

If you clean your fridge, you just may find what I did:

10 small potatoes, 4 parsnips, 6 carrots, an onion, scallions (green onions), a green pepper, a head of garlic, and a jalapeno pepper. (one red potato was in there also)

If you look around your house, you may just find a few kids to help peel the carrots, parsnips and potatoes, like I did.

If you don't have helpers, it will take you a lot longer to make this. Then again, you won't need a shovel to clean up the peelings from the floor, like I do.

If you think "bite sized" pieces when you are cutting everything up, it may end up looking like this:

Drizzle this with a large helping (1/2 cup) of olive oil and kosher salt. Roast in a 400* oven stirring every 20 minutes until done-- ( 1 hour/ 20 minutes usually)

Happy perky potatoes!