Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I need a cat named Nimrod

Let's be honest here.  I'm treading on dangerous ground.  My husband hates cats.  So does my son, James.  But then again, he agrees with his father on everything, so that is not that unusual.

And then there's Than, who is allergic to cats.  I can't say if Jo, Emily or Hudson would graciously welcome a cat either, but I am willing to risk it.

Why?  Mouse infestation.  You walk down the steps and veer left.  Suddenly, a mouse waft arises into the air.  It's not a living mouse waft, either.  It's your basic dead mouse aroma.  So, here's my basic plan.

I buy or borrow a cat.  The cat will be named "Nimrod" as in "mighty hunter"--you know, from the Bible.

Somehow, I am going to have to train this cat to love to kill and eat mice.  And when he or she possesses the acquisition, it will be rewarded with a piece of salmon (which I will have stocked in abundance for this very purpose).

I am not even sure I will buy a lot of cat food, since the mice and salmon should do the trick for a while.

I hear that cats need litter boxes, so I'll probably have to get one of those also.  But this will be a no-thrills pet adventure.

And when mighty Nimrod catches his first mice, he will be given the royal robe and crown, paraded around on a white horse and given a glass of champagne with salmon.  And then we will gradually decrease his awards until the thrill of catching mice is its own reward.

So far, most of my children have threatened to move out if (and when) I ever do carry out this plan.  So, I may need to keep this in my hip pocket until the house becomes too crowded or something.

I'm also wondering if I can borrow a cat when Will is out on a business trip, and maybe I can get the whole thing done before he gets back?  But then I would be like the pied piper, attracting felines from all neighboring counties.

Once the word gets out that their is champagne and salmon offered at the Webbers, there will be a veritable caravan of cats, tigers, chihauhaus, and ambitious teenagers visiting us daily.

On second thought, perhaps a job offer in the local classifieds would do the trick.  Do cats normally read the paper?  I mean.. I know Garfield does and all, but...

Send me your tired, restless, homeless, yearning to be free.. (cats) and I will give them a job and a treat.  You can have them back in a few weeks.


5 comments:

singtothelord2 said...

you might be sorry... my sister's cat is a mouser and brings them to her in the night and lays them on her pillow... :-) but I know how you feel...I hate having mice in my house.

Organizing Mommy said...

Yeah. I thought about that, Val. I'd have to lock my door and place a receptacle outside of my door, and then it wouldn't be dead.. and the chase would go on all night long.

Becky said...

Most of our cats always played with the mouse until it was dead, or until it got away, so that's a downside with any cat that hasn't had to feed itself. The one cat we did have that actually killed things on a regular basis was an outside cat who brought her kills and laid them at the back door. A little on the gross side, and seemingly never-ending when she got into a nest of baby snakes.

Mrs. Parunak said...

I'm so sorry you are having mouse problems! I hope you find your Nimrod, or at least a solution.

Janice said...

Make it an outdoor cat and once it rids the house of mice, it will get them outside before they get in. We get half the body placed on our doorstep too. Usually the back half. It's worth it. My husband hated cats too but if you get a cute and nice one, and it gets rid of the mice, he may warm up to them.