Thursday, August 18, 2011

A "domestic" need?? what on earth is that??

You know how my sweet husband and I have been married for 20 years?  Is there anyone who reads this blog who doesn't know that?  probably not.  I talk about it all the time.  I'm proud of it, but I'm also so grateful for it.  But the thing is--I feel like I'm just now starting to figure out what he needs.

Have you guys ever heard of guys having what they call "a domestic need"?  me neither.  It's sounds kind of archaic and well.. 1950's.  And after all, isn't my husband too spiritual for all that?

Oh, so yours isn't either, eh?  Somehow this just bristles with this image I have.  It goes something like this:

Old, dishelved, fat man in a big lazy boy with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and a bud light in the other.  He flops his comb-over to the other side and shifts his huge belly to the other side.

"Hand me the remote, will ya?"  belch.

That is sooooooooo not my man, OK?

Here's the revelation.  It is possible for fit, handsome, not-lazy man who doesn't own a lazyboy and hasn't seen the remote in a decade to actually have a "domestic need"..

I know. I know. shocking.

So, my dilemma is this: how do I up and begin to meet this need? It sounds overwhelming.

I know with the whole "organizing mommy" persona I have going that a whole lot of you are duped.  (not all-- thanks Juli of Herding Grasshoppers) but the casual on-looker could potentially be duped.  I'm just sayin.

The real is this.  I enjoy "moments of domestic brilliance" shrouded by hours of domestic chaos.  I think it is the chaos part that is dragging this whole domestic need thing into focus.

It's not like he complains.  It's the look of pain that he has when he says, "so I guess I'll grab something at work to eat?"  or " I really need some more shampoo"  (and it's been the 14th time he's asked me..)

So, maybe I've been going at this whole household management thing all wrong.  I think I'm going to start over with: what do you see as the 5 highest priorities?  and then what do you want me to do and what can the kids do?

So, there you go.  Yes, I've been very busy.  And yes, it's been a little chaotic here.  But I need to refocus on my family and their needs--since there's only so much one organizing mommy can do! How about you? How do you guys get it done?  And what are your priorities?  


Kathi said...

Good for you, Jena! I think there's never an end to trying to balance "domestic needs." For me, the question is: do I take off with hubby for the entire weekend and get him as far away from his worries as possible, or do I take him for just a 24-hour getaway so we can be back for son who just had oral surgery, son who is leaving to start grad. school Sunday, and son who just had some blood work done and is low on iron (but hopefully okay). And...we've been married 38 years and have grown kids! You're in the thick of it and the super hardest time of life. God is good. I think a lot of what we do is for our own sense of what's gotta be and not ultimately what's most important. I love your idea of asking hubby and backing him with what he needs, especially when you have a hubby who loves you and your kids deeply. If a guy like that needs something, you know it's real. Makes treating him like the church is to treat Christ much more of a joy!

Becky said...

I'm not sure, but then I've been married 20 years too, so I'm probably at the same kind of season in my life. I thought it would get easier once the kids got older, but it just got different. Sure, I don't need to tie several different sets of shoes, and stop everything at a moment's notice to run to the bathroom with the one currently being potty trained, but they're older, and into more, and a greater variety of things, and it gets so.....
Well, you know how it gets.
I do try to stop every so often to just re-prioritize because things can't get crazy in a hurry.

Herding Grasshoppers said...

I'm bad for this... my priorities are all Practical and Useful. So I remember to buy the shampoo, but I'm missing the deeper needs.

Hurray for you and your hubby and TWENTY YEARS!!! (We just hit 17.) You'll work it out between you :D


Ruby said...

Same for me as yourself and all the commenters. There was the rosie glow of the "honeymoon" stage when you only had hubby to focus on but then there are babies, teens and then grandchildren, elderly parents..... No enlightening advise here since I am still struggling with the same questions and we are going on for 26 years!

Organizing Mommy said...

thanks everybody. You are alll such great examples in your ministries and service to your husbands! And after I asked him, he acted like, "what? you're doing just fine!" which leads me to believe that when we are so busy with things that our own sense of providing for our families is diminished. We feel like they are missing something, and it is really our need to fill their needs--as we think they should have them.

Ruby said...

Hmm..and I was thinking, probably our spouses feel the same way. They see us flat out busy all the time and wonder how they can meet our needs?