Modesty? what's at the heart of it?

Are you ready for your daily dose of brainwashing?  Good.  Because I've been brewing some ideas in the crucible, and I'm ready to pour the  coffee.  If you taste some grounds it's because I like it strong, and I'm kind of bold like that.

So, a lot of people who love the Lord Jesus seriously take the idea of modesty very seriously.  I mean--isn't this is what stumbles our young people? or old people?  Don't people fall into sin over modesty issues? Doesn't this lead to pornography addictions? and on and on.

So, let's define modesty.  I think of it as exposing something that should be covered, except in the case of biblical, intimate circumstances. (marriage)

Modesty is not just about clothing; it's about how you wear the clothing.  It's actions, words, speech, intent, etc.  It's very broad.

That's why making rules for modesty just doesn't work.  it's very possible to have a fully covered blue jean jumpered homeschool mama who is immodest in her words or eyes.  And it's fully possible for a half clad young lady to not want any attention from others and dresses that way out of ignorance.

Most people who deal with modesty issues mainly deal with the clothing covering up aspect of it because that is the easy one, right?  All you have to do to be modest is put certain amounts of clothing over certain parts of your body and the deal is done, right?   Well.. not so fast.

This entire issue came into focus for a me a few years ago.  I was asked my some of the leaders of our little church to deal with a certain young lady who wasn't dressing properly.  She was young, immature, and developed faster than people were ready for.  She was experimenting with high heels.  You've seen people who can balance on high heels try to walk?  I think it looks ridiculous.  There's a proper way to wear heels, but you have to have core strength to do it well.  I could do an entire post of walking in heels properly, I suppose.  I love wearing heels, but I don't think I could have pulled it off at 15 very well.

I digress.  So, what do most people do when they "sense" that a young lady needs some direction?  They make a lot of rules.  a lot of rules. rules on paper. contracts. etc.  What?????  

Why do I feel so strongly about this?  Well, first of all, rules fail to deal with the heart issues.  The spirit needs direction first, not the flesh.  When the heart is submissive to Christ, not a lot of rules and contracts are needed because the Lord reigns supreme.  Or the rules are more of a guideline than a law.

So, let's get a little deeper into the modesty issue and defining it.  Immodesty can take the form of clothing choices, communication choices, emotional choices and relationship choices.  Well, when you say it like that, aren't we all sort of immodest sooner or later?  That's kind of what I am realizing also.  The Proverbs 6 woman is staring back at us in the mirror.  She's wearing conservative clothing and going to Bible studies.  She opens her hands to the needy and her own wickedness is always prowling at the door.

In fact, when the leaders of my church asked me to help this one gal,  I was tempted to think this was some sort of way of reigning me in--making me more modest.  And then I'm like--that's kind of an odd way of dealing with it--so I dismissed it.  But really!  Do you feel it also?  Is your heart cutting open like mine?

So, despite my own failures to attain to these high standards, I'd like to give me thoughts on where all of this stems from.  Where does the immodesty weed sprout and why is so prevalent in some people's lives?

At the core of this issue is fear that stems from being unprotected in some way. A young woman whose father is not protecting her or is hyper controlling (two extremes) will tend toward immodesty.  The promiscuous spirit of a young woman is just an immodest spirit that is crying out for loving attention.    A married woman who feels neglected by her husband falls into the same trap also.  A loving husband also tends to be a loving father, but it is very hard for a man who hates his wife to give any degree of security to his daughter.

The issue for the young woman is security.  She feels so insecure and is so fearful that she garners attention inappropriately.  She wants to relax in the comfort of God's love and be content in him, but it is like going up a steep hill and ignoring all that is going around you at all times.  So, the young woman who isn't necessarily a fornicator but uses her physical beauty and womanly ways as a primary way of securing a man's love is actually a very insecure young lady.  She's very powerful, and she knows it.  But her primary motivation is probably not a sexual need but an emotional one.  She needs the drug-like feel that comes from having a man completely under her spell.  It feeds a huge emotional void that has never been filled.

So, what am I saying?  Is it wrong for a couple to be completely under each other's spell?  You tell me.  I've cast a few spells in my day also, but I refused to use those techniques on the man I wanted to marry. Because a love drug, even with someone fabulous, has a bitter taste in the end--especially if that is the only thing you have going for you. The world makes it seem like "love is all you need"--.  It's true.  Christ's love is all you need--romantic love is the frosting on the cake.  But it can't be the entire cake.

Which is primarily what the modesty question asks.  How can I make these young women more secure? How can I give them the confidence that only comes from Christ?  That takes time.  Building true character takes time.  Being confident in Christ is the opposite of immodesty whether in clothing, behavior, relationships, or anything. We can start with ourselves.  I can not change any random young woman off the street, but I can fill my tank with Christ every day and be secure in him.  I can model this happy confidence in Christ.  I can not feed their insecurities.  I can praise them for what they are doing well--particularly choices that increase their faith in God and holiness toward him.  I can give them a big picture of what God is doing in the lives of others.  I can help them talk through their insecurities and make sure they know that they have so much more to offer than just their physical beauty.  They don't need to hide behind the superficial things of life anymore!  And God will provide all that they need!!

And then next time I look into the mirror, I want to see Prov. 31, not Prov. 6.  How about you?

ROBE or BORe

 Are you weird like me?  What I mean is this: do you find delight in strange things that you know other people either don't like or won't admit they like?  I've tried to come up with a name for this concept.  It's kind of random--what one person likes is not what another likes.  Also, we aren't talking about the normal things that the media thinks you like or wants you to like--or better yet--just assumes that you don't like.

For example, liking going to movies is not random.  It's regular.

I once had a babysitter who used to love scrubbing pots.  She used to tell me to leave my cookie sheets out so she could scrub them for me.  That is random.  But for her, it was fun.

So, what I am calling the  random endorphin builder,  which can be kind of obsessive.  Let's try an acronym.  ROBE. or BORE  either way.. Random Obsessive Builder of Endorphins.. translates into really weird things that I like.

So, without further ado, let me elucidate.

1) Latex paint peeling.  Sure!  I had to start with the weirdest one.  O.K. You know when you want to paint a wall and you pour a certain quantity of paint into a tray?  And then you paint the wall, etc.  When you are done with the paint, I don't rinse out the tray, I just let the paint dry right in the tray.  By the morning, it has all gelled up and dried.  Now, if you just peel away a little edge of it, you can get the whole thing out in one peel.  Aaahh... so fun! If you haven't done that, it really is fun.

2) Pulling dryer lint.  Yes, I know a lot of people love to get the lint out of the dryer.  One of my friends told me it was one of her favorite activities to do when she was little.  I still love it.

3) Wiping off the table.  Now this is so fun.  When all of the dishes are picked up, I love washing off the table and making it look fresh again.

4) Pulling weeds.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Pulling weeds is a lot of fun, especially if they aren't too firmly rooted into the ground.  The only problem is that it has been so hot and humid that my attention for this is limited.

5) checking boxes.  Love it.  I'll make a big list--just so I can check it off.  I know a lot of people admit to that one.  The movement of the pen in your hand as it checks the box is quite excellent.

Oh, and I almost forgot..

6) Untangling balls of yarn.  This one I can't explain, but I love it.  If I am stressed out, I'll often take some yarn with me that needs untangling.  Some how the pulling of the yarn works out the other problem too.  I can not even fathom why or how this works, but it does.

Well, I'm sure by now, most of you have my psychiatrist on speed dial and are needing to make a random report.  I respect that.

But the reality of it is this: very few people who love simple things are unhappy about life when large things happen.  Just a thought. 

Isn't it great..?

Isn't it great when you can just hang out, play simple board games with friends, eat some basic food, and call it a really fun time?

Pass the scrabble board and roll out the pizza dough.

I love my life.

Confessions: I am Ukrainian.. I think.

So, if you have any doubt in your mind whether or not I am operating on a stable surface, this next post should convince you that I am most definitely not.  But it's such a fun life that I have to let you in.  

So, Will met this young guy at the YMCA and invited him to our Wednesday night prayer meeting and this thing we have at our home that we have dubbed "the midnight meal"..  it's just a super fun time where a bunch of us get together and cook and eat and hang out until sometimes past midnight.  Anyway, Will met this guy, Elijah and invited he and his wife and two babies to our prayer meeting/ home.  In all seriousness, it was a wonderful time with many questions asked about Lord!  But since I do not go into details about how we counsel/ minister to people on our blog, I won't go into it here.  But it was so fun and eternally rewarding, but through the course of the evening, Elijah turned to his wife and said, "Does she ever remind you of my Mom or what?"  (meaning me)  And his wife said, "totally.  everything."  Now keep in mind, Elijah is a 26 year old black man.  So, I was thinking "cool!"  "I am just like a black woman, and they are so hip"..  They have cool hair and an attitude.  I like.  So, I'm picturing this.

But somehow I got out of him that his mother was not black.  She's actually Ukrainian.  Without a lot of drama, I am picturing something like this:

But then my spirits were kind of lifted when after researching this, I found that all of the internet agrees that Ukrainian women look like this.  And.. (I kid you not) are the most desirable women on the planet.  Just ask them.  

Which you all know is exactly how I look, especially when I lift my hand up like that.  ROFL.  

So, then as our crazy life goes, Will and I ended up going out to dinner with some work associates and among them was a Russian lady.  And I asked her  (out of curiosity) if I looked Ukrainian.  She said that I really did.  What the??

So, don't look now, but this is me in 30 years.  Awesome, eh?

As for the hand up lady, I prefer that this stay a modest blog without much fanfare.  I've got a reputation to uphold. But if anyone asks me, I'll beeeee worrrrrrkeeng on my Russian accent DAHlink. 

Workin' hard

I grew up in the land of hard working people.  It was just part of the survival culture.  In the U.P. of Michigan (Upper Peninsula--that section connected to Canada and Wisconsin)..  there is a spirit that commemorates the land and the people--hard work.

It might have something to do with the harsh winters,  or the bird-sized mosquitos, or the Scandinavian heritage, or the iron mining tradition, the pasties or even the sauna.  Whatever the origin, the fact of the matter is this--if you don't like manual labor of some sort, you probably won't survive long up there.

Even the lawyers and doctors have to weather the living conditions or else why would they live there?

So, you learn it. You cut wood because there's trees that need to be cut. You stack the wood because there's cut wood laying around.  You haul the wood to the fireplace because there's stacked wood.  And you burn the wood because it's cold.  See?  It all works together.

And that might be why I love hard work.  I love working hard.

Don't get me wrong.  I have my lazy moments, like yesterday for example.  It was so hot, I just barely wanted to do anything.  But I put the laundry away and made dinner.  And watered the flowers and threw myself under the hose because I could.

And blitzing.  I have to blitz.  I have a hard time getting started sometimes, so I have to jumpstart myself with a blitz.  It always works.  I work hard for one hour, and suddenly I've snapped out of it enough to work hard for the rest of the day.

So, the crazy thing is this: very few people work hard anymore, you know?  As we say up north "give er" Not really sure where the expression "give er"  or "give her" came from but it is a verb.

  "We're gonna  give 'er, til we're done."

And that's just the way it is.

So, yesterday I was working on something.  And I had been working at it for a while and I was trying to decide when I should quit and then I had this thought:

"I'm going work until I stink"

There.  How's that for sweet, feminine and gentle-spirited?

So, when I got home from the work that I was doing (it was outside the home), I told my mother how I was going to gauge how long I worked.

"So, I just decided to work until I stink"

And she replied,  "Some people wouldn't have to work very hard then.."

yeah.  never thought of that.

But I was wearing deodorant.  Old Spice, even.  So, like... I worked 4.5 hours until I stunk.

Some people work hard until the job is done.  Some people work hard til it "aint" no fun.

Some people work until the going down of the sun..  But not me.. I work until people run..

away from me cuz I stink.  

yeah.

Summer shots

July is speeding by, which is good because I am not overly excited about the heat or humidity that we've been having here.  Yesterday, it was over 100 degrees heat index.   It is a good time to get caught up on inside jobs like blogging and putting away laundry.  But notice how I am blogging ?  LOL.

 So, some friends from our Bible study group have a pool and invited us over on the 4th.

 It was a lot of fun!

 Thanks Jody..

And Dave.

 This is the life, hey Emily??

 Another one of the kids adventures was going up north to their friends and working on a movie.  Yes, even Emily (our 6 year old) went (without Mom and Dad) on a visit up north for a week!! This costume was designed and made by her sister, Jo for her role in the movie.

 Here is the full movie cast.  Keep in mind that I have no idea what the script was, the plot, the theme, but I do know this that Joanna made a lot of the costumes and the kids worked on this very hard all week.

 Left to right: Simeon Morell, Samuel M, Nathanael Webber, Emily W, Emily Morell, Josiah M, Hudson W, Kara M, and Joanna W.   (All the kids are either Morells or Webbers)

Kara in front her barn at home.  Love the color of the shirt with the barn in background..

 And there wasn't just a movie production going on, the kids participated/ helped out  in a vacation Bible school event.  Here is one of the teachers.

Only a homeschool family would have 11 kids in their home for a week, try to make a movie, have a VBS and.. why not put in a hard wood floor during the same week?  You can see why these guys are my best friends.  Insanity loves company, you know?

So, while the youngest four kids were up north, Will, Jamie and I finished painting, gardening, and eating out a lot.  Oh, and I did the job of playing this crazy word game app on the IPOD called "7 Little words"..  crazy addicting.  I made it through the free version, and Jamie sprung for me to get a game for $.99.  That $.99 has lasted me for over a week, so I would say it is a good investment.

Now the kids are back, and they promptly went to work corn detassling.  Got up at 4:00 a.m. and they are in the fields by 5:30.

So, that is what is making my home sing this week!

cool video

Some kids that we know made this video.  Very creative and clever!

Weeds in my garden: finding your hibiscus

Here, on the outskirts of Rockford, IL, we live on good rich farm soil.
Around here, planting time is about mid May.  And I even got a few of my perennials transplanted before we left on our trip, but that was all I was able to do!  

And  today.. Oh today.  Things grow!  I have things growing (that have no identifiable origin) that are 6 feet tall.  The area around my compost pile is so big that I can't even find it.  Bionic weeds.  There are small forest creatures making their home in my garden, I think.

So, the only redeeming value of my outdoor life is what I call "the side garden".  It is where we dug up the septic tank two years ago and rather than replant grass, I decided to make a garden.  Not being overly sure if planting over the septic line was a fantastic idea or not, I decided to plant flowers instead of food this year.  And that area is doing quite well.  I am enjoying it and trying to rescue whatever I can find and put it over there.

But one of the challenges that I am facing is this.  I had many many perennials down in the weed patch that I really would like to rescue.  I know they are down there because I planted them.  Right now, the only thing that seems obvious is a small hibiscus. Despite the weeds and nonsense down there, this pretty little hibiscus is doing well--even better than it did last year at this time.  And I will probably dig that up and rescue it today.

But it is impossible for me to get down in the garden without some high brow thoughts. I'm convinced that God made gardening for the sole purpose of bringing not just plants, but high brow thoughts to the surface.

My weed patch is like the sea of available young people.  In this case, let us call it--all the available young ladies that a potential young man could choose for a wife.  (Many of you have sons, so perhaps you can relate to these thoughts.  I have three teenage boys and one who is like a son, so this analogy works for me at this time in my life)

So, a young man starts looking around.  He sees a garden full of growing things.  Wow! There are a lot of girls out there, and some are quite impressive.  These big ones in the back are healthy and strong.  They attract all of his attention by their obvious qualities.  How could you miss them?  They have interesting things growing at all angles! They all hang back by the fence together.  They look important.  In their quest of getting to the big things, they trample right over the smaller, less impressive plants.

Little do they realize that those big things back there are weeds.  They are just sucking all of the life out of the good soil.  They will never produce fruit or flowers.

But I know, because I am the gardener, that there are one, if not two healthy hibiscus plants down there, along with a few lilies.  When these plants reach their full bloom, they are are some of the most beautiful plants in the garden.  In fact, I plan to rescue them today. One of them is sitting right on outside of the garden, so that will be easy to find.  But the other one, is deep into the garden.  I will need to cut a path through in order to get it.

If an unimpressive gardener like me, knows her plants, how much more does the gardener of heaven know his?  Blessed is the (young) man who finds his hibiscus--whether he sees it right away or has to travel through some hardships to get it.  Don't be sidetracked by the weeds, boys.  God has something better in store for you.

And if you have found your hibiscus, take care of it.  It will give you pretty flowers all the days of your life.

Med trip: Egypt

So, it is about a month since I've been home from the anniversary trip to the Mediterranean.  I was hoping to post once a week--a post on each country we visited.  But alas,  getting back into the swing of things has been difficult.  So, here we are, the eve of the 4th of July.  I should be saying something patriotic.  Instead, I am just going to remind you of how great our country is by letting you make the connection of the contrasts between two different countries.  

First of all, it is good to travel.  It is very easy for those of us living in the U.S. to get the wrong idea of hardships.  Hardships in the U.S. come in many forms, like running out of homemade bread and having to make more, or a real hardship--having the dishwasher break, or perhaps, not being to find the remote for the T.V. or ceiling fan for a few days.  

But what about having your country in complete chaos? having trash in the streets?  This was open trash in the river!! along the highway in Alexandria. 

Wouldn't it be fun to be at this roadside cafe??

Here's the rest of the river through the streets.  I suppose this is the water they consider "usable"??

Welcome to Alexandria.

So, we were on a tour bus, taking these pictures.  I never actually got out and walked through Alexandria.  Some of our friends from the ship went out walking and some guy came and grabbed her rear end right out in broad daylight. I guess things are not as "peaceful" as the media detects.  Do you feel safe walking around in broad daylight with a group of people?  Good.  So do I. Welcome to our current free country.  Welcome to the land where people fought for your freedom.

So, back to the tour bus.  We rode an air conditioned bus for three hours to Cairo.  If you are given to motion sickness, riding in Egyptian traffic is not ideal.  Thankfully, I was still jetlagging, so I slept all the way there and then for a while on the way home.

So, these are the pyramids.  There are three pyramids, rather close together.

When Emily asked me what the name of the pyramids were, I told her, "that's easy.  There's the Daddy, Mommy, and baby pyramid"

And they are rather huge.  Our $229.00/ per person tour did not include a look inside the pyramids.  But I was fine with that.  It is a tomb already.  How often do you like to look inside a casket of someone who has died a long time ago?

And essentially, the pyramids and the Nile river are the only ancient artifacts left in Egypt.  If you love Egyptian history, go to Berlin or London.  Apparently, Hitler had a "thing" for ancient relics, so he snatched up many of them (and kept them in great condition), and the Brits, not to be outdone by the Germans, felt the need to snatch up the rest.

So, I've been to Berlin.  It is a mecca of world history relics, and I would love to go back.  But I haven't been to London, so (obviously) that is on my bucket list.

When my husband asked me how I knew so much about ancient Egypt, I said, "homeschooling, of course!" duh. Everyone knows that's how you become erudite.  So, yes, I loved teaching about ancient Egypt.  Why?  Because we know so much about it.  Why do we know so much about Egypt?

It was because they believed in a life after death, primarily the need to bring everything they owed into the tomb with them, so that their ba and ka would recognize each other and live happily ever after.  (hedgehog version of Egyptian theology)

Does it look like we photoshopped ourselves into this?  No. because we would have centered ourselves better.

O.K. this one was better.

We had various friends from the tour taking pictures of us.  The word on the street is that the locals will ask to take your picture and then run off with your camera.

Here are the locals.  the pushy locals.

The word on the street was it costs you $5.00 to sit on the camel and only $20.00 to get off.

So, I was like,"no way!"

I got on.

And I got off.  I told Will, if they don't get me off, I'll just jump off.  I didn't keep myself in shape to get pushed around. So, when they saw that I was in charge, they made the camel get down.

So, this was the Daddy pyramid. I think this is about as close to it as I got.

And then these local kids made us buy these head things. Like that?  made us.

But I have to admit, they were quite effective in the heat.  And don't they look cool?

Will snuck off and took these.

Back to the air-conditioned bus.  I think he looks quite good in this garb.

This was our tour guide.  She spoke very good English and was quite a good guide.

And then the bus took us around to the Sphinx pyramid.

O.K. so everyone was making out in front of the Trevi Fountain in Rome, so we chose to mosh in front of the Sphinx.  Everyone has their preferences, right?

And then there's this photo.  Probably my favorite from the trip. (not the lady in black, above, although that was weird..)

As if all of that pestering from locals, making out in front of the pyramids, and dressing up in traditional Egyptian clothing wasn't enough, our tour included a Nile River cruise.

Not that I've ever been on those casino boats, but this is sort of the way this boat operated.  There was an open buffet style restaurant with a space for entertainment and eating.

The boat just went down the river and then back again.  It was a nice, smooth ride and air conditioned.

For entertainment, we got.. can you guess?  A belly dancer and this spinning man/ whirling dirvish dude.
I'll know you'll be disappointed, but I do not have pics of the belly dancer.  Without going into detail, let me pose a question. Why does a culture that makes its women dress from head to toe in a covered garb also take great delight in a mostly naked woman gyrating around publicly? Wouldn't it be better just to have all the women dressed sort of respectfully modest but not oppressively so? (thinking like an American, again)

But this guy was pretty impressive.  That skirt thing was around his waist and he was spinning and spinning around.  And then for photos he put it in his hand above his head.

And we went up on the deck to get a pic of the Nile river.

So, that is Egypt.  I'm glad I went.  We should be praying for this country.  I know many of you will not get a chance to visit it.  And if you ask my husband, he has no desire to go back.  But I am glad I went and in 10 or 15 years I'd like to go back.

And it zoomed by.

Other Mediterranean trip posts include: Rome