Sunday, March 18, 2012

The controversial book of the season..

If I wanted to make a lot of money.. probably even more than I do now (LOL), I would write a controversial book..  I would come out with high brow, controversial thoughts on something more than.. let's say.. organizing your shoes.

So, I was able to pick up the much debated book while browsing at the Barnes and Noble a few weeks ago.  And even someone as non-eurudite as I has a few thoughts about Mark Driscoll's book on Sex and Marriage.

And I read it with the intent of trying to get to the bottom of the controversy quickly--  What's all the fuss about? --instead of reading it with a critical eye for cohesion and grammatical style, etc.

So here are my thoughts.  But let me preface my thoughts with this.  We are boring people.

We are happy, boring people.  To give you how boring we are, my husband's favorite flavor of icecream is: vanilla.

So, do boring, vanilla people have fulfilled lives in the marital intimacy department? absolutely.  Are we pining away for more? or more interesting means of expression in this department?  not necessarily.

If it aint broke, don't fix it.

This book had a huge "eeeeuuuuwwwww" factor for me.  And I NOT prudish in these things.  I would like to think that I  have the mind of godly woman in these things. All the things that are stated overtly or implied within the Song of Solomon are not offensive.  They are clearly designed for the mutual enjoyment of married people.

But there are a reason some things are hidden within the pictures of the Song of Solomon.  It doesn't need to be spelled out.  Let the married couple develop and grow in these things.  And if in their own study of the Word of God, they come up with something that pleases them both, then who am I to argue? But what about the timid couple who is just growing in these areas?  Should I get overt about it and somehow imply that these forms of expression are in the Bible, and therefore, you should be comfortable doing them?

Like everything in life, growth takes time.  Instead of going on and on about what he feels is acceptable or not, why not talk about the real issue--trust!  If you want a happy marriage and a fulfilling intimate relationship, work on trusting and loving each other.  These other things will come in time.

And as far as the bizarre forms of "expression" discussed in the pages of this book, I can not imagine anyone coming up with these ideas except in the forms of graphic deviant sexual expression.. i.e. pornography.  And I pity anyone who is into this.  They oppose themselves..

So, when a man comes to his pastor and says, "Hey I was wondering... could I do.. xyz (deviant sexual thing found while watching porn)  with my wife?"

And Driscoll says, we need to get over the blushing and stammering and have an answer.

I think we should be blushing and stammering and tell him we are offended.  And then say, "What about that is going to be pleasing to your wife?" Or "Is it all about you?"

And there should be no giving a woman a guilt-trip about her being available or not pretty enough or any of this crap.

Let me say this straight.

A man who treats his wife well, provides for her and loves her as Christ loved the church  will always have a woman available, pretty enough and willing to do whatever it takes to please you.  There is no need to place a guilt trip on this type of woman.

And the section on love, friendship (and the non-controversial stuff) of the book was pretty good as far as I can tell.  And like the  (Jewish tradition) of  the Song of Solomon being off-limits until marriage, I would probably suggest the same for this one.  Except if you are pure, and non-porned and vanilla, there really is no need to read the book at all.  :)  


sara said...

I haven't read the book and don't plan to, but I think you're right that Driscoll is speaking to a different audience - he is speaking to a different part of the Body. Whether he is speaking to them correctly or not, I'd rather not get into, but there are people in Church whose life experiences are different from our own and they need to be ministered to as well.

Mrs. Parunak said...

AMEN. You go, O.M.. This is awesome. I haven't read this book either, but I've read enough other stuff that I am totally on board with what you said.

Organizing Mommy said...

Yeah! I was hoping for a Mrs. P "high five" on this post because I don't usually go "there" in my blog posts. But I thought long and hard about this post because I think a woman's perspective needs to be heard. I 've read several reviews before writing this one, and they were all written by unbelievers or men. The unbelievers were criticizing the book because of the over-emphasis on the subservience of women. The Christian (men) were kind of grossed out by the Can we do.. chapter, and the theologians were up in arms about something else. Poor guy! But there is liberty in so much in life! But then there is this.. book that.. anal sex.. really?? (barf)

Herding Grasshoppers said...

Yah. Ewww, is right.

This is coming from a guy who claims that God gives him detailed pornographic visions of the sexual sins of his flock.

No. Thank. You.


Herding Grasshoppers said...

A link, if you're interested:

Kathi said...

I haven't read the book and probably wouldn't, but I totally agree with your bottom line: a wife who is loved with the love of Christ will be eager to please her husband...who will be seeking to please her. Also, your comment that love and trust are at the foundation of sexual desire is so true. I'm sure there are some women who just aren't interested anymore even some with godly husbands, but my guess is that those women are being selfish and are not emotionally healthy themselves or else they have significant physical disabilities. Lastly, you're right on about the self-destructive influence of porn. It makes men thirst for poison, not a sincere, real relationship.

Organizing Mommy said...

Julie-- that is just strange! Why would the Lord reveal these things? And how did that poor woman feel when he went into the gory details of all that happened? Did that help her? Was she intimidated into repenting? what? horrible.

Herding Grasshoppers said...

Yah. Personally, I think he's a loose cannon. Some of the stuff he comes out with is theologically sound, but he's like an unpredictable adolescent. I wouldn't trust him at all.

Charlene said...

Amen and amen.