Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Transforming love

If the truth be known, I am lazy.

Well, not as lazy as I once was, but lazy nonetheless...

And I married a "not lazy" man 22 years ago.  In the words of a close friend, in describing my husband, it was said, "that guy's a machine.."    He makes lists, he figures it out, and then he gets it done.

As you can expect, his love language is "acts of service" and "quality time"..

How does a lazy woman with fits and spurts of energy transform herself?  By marrying someone who has a love language that is completely contrary to her natural inclinations.

Whenever we start one of these big home repair projects, my first thought is always: Why are we not hiring someone to do this?  and How long is this going to take?  

And I know the answer to both of them.  The work needs to be done, and it is my job to help.

Today I volunteered to help seal the driveway with my husband.  Clearly, the children are knee deep into their school, and it would have been wrong to ask them to do this.

Trust me.  There are plenty of things that they do to help around here, but I knew that Will and I were going to do this project together.

Part of the struggle is just willing yourself to do something.  Procrastination is laziness.  Thinking of just yourself is sin.

And so we plunged into the project.  And guess what?  It wasn't really that bad.  Will and I worked, side by side-- hardly saying anything to each other--but just accomplishing the task.

I would guess that Phase 1 of preparing for the empty nest syndrome is just learning how to do things as a couple again and re-estabishing that powerful love that you once had for each other in those formative years.  It's not that the love that you had for each other was stronger, it was just more intense-- more emotional.. or something.

The cords of love have thickened over the years, but in some ways, become more bristly, if you will.  Living together, loving each other becomes so pre-programmed.  so routine.

And it takes a concerted effort to bring the spark back in and find the time and energy to love each other again.  And that is good.  We are sinners.  We do not expect love to be perfect.  Only God's love is perfect.  The degree to which we love God is the degree to which we will love each other.  And yet, loving someone else is one way that God's love is manifest.  I can hardly believe it when I see God transforming me! Where did that lazy girl go?  She is loving God..  i.e. loving her husband... i.e. sloshing sealant on the driveway..  putting shoe leather on her love.

And that is God's doing.  I have nothing to boast about.  Love takes work.  There's no getting around it.   But God himself supplies the fuel for the work, and it is an amazing thing.


Anonymous said...

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart.

Ruby said...

Lovely thoughts, Jena. The empty nest is looming for us too and yes, it does take a concerted effort for us who are prone to laziness. :-)
My family would say I am the busy bee and hubby the procrastinator so our retirement may be quite interesting!