Friday, December 5, 2014

How to be an old married couple

I was telling my daughter about the nice trip that her daddy and I had this past week.  We only took two days--actually not even two full days-- to go and visit her brother at college.  Doesn't it sound romantic?  no.  And it wasn't.. really.  But in a funny way, it kind of was.. if that makes sense.

You see, perspective has given me appreciation.  In our younger years, everything had a deadline, a justified expense v.s. importance ratio to be calculated.  I know.. sounds kind of stressful, and it was.  But it was also how we survived.  Five kids. One income. not a lot of wiggle room for "extravagant" trips like going to see ONE child have one concert for one day in a far away city, especially during the holidays, with all final projects for grad school due in a week.

But we did it.  And despite all of these factors, I saw my husband relax, enjoy himself and just "live in the moment" of whatever was going on with Hudson, his school, the concert, the overnight accommodations at the home of someone we barely knew.. etc. etc.

In a word, Daddy has mellowed.  And Mommy has become more accepting.  Daddy is starting to see life more than just a list of responsibilities and obligations and expense reports.  Mommy is trying to graciously accept her role what it means to love her husband and children at. this. stage.

When I explained this phenomenon to my daughter, she joyfully exclaimed, "I want to start out as an old married couple!"

O.K. then.

Here's an easy way to become an old married couple.

Start by marrying a guy who is in his 20's--or around your age, whatever that is.

As the days pass from the honeymoon into regular life, you may be primarily concerned with how "ungodly" your spouse behaves at times, but the real work going on here is within your own heart.  Of course, that is only if you step back and realize it.  You could, however, get all caught up in what they are doing wrong.. rather than how much grace they are exhibiting to just be in your presence..  and love you.. despite all of your wrong-doings and misgivings.

Now add that frame of reference to a few of life's mishaps.  You can just add  the basic things like: small, inconvenient or dingy living places/ homes,  children--many or few, miscarriages or not, unemployment or not, money or lack thereof, in-laws who love or hate you,  cancer or other health issues, hurt or troubled relationships in the church,  and any number of crazy, unplanned things.

Now.. the statistics tell me that very few couples (Christians included) survive these mishaps.  And it may take me a lifetime worth of research to learn who and how and why people do or do not survive such craziness.  And yet, some people do.  And when they do, it is so sweet.  They look up to the sky, and say "thank you, Lord!" rather than give themselves any credit.

And just about the time the man has hair growing out of his ears, nose, toes and pretty much everywhere except the top of his head.. and you can almost fit an ax handle across the width of the rear-end of the woman.  that's kind of when....

 you can become an old married couple.

Easy peasy.


Dana Lavelle said...

This is such a great post! I know I'm late in commenting but I use to read you years and years ago, but I don't keep up very well since I don't think I can subscribe. Or can I? You need to start writing again! Are you going to start a new blog?

I have laughed myself silly at some of your older posts. But this post was such a beautiful testimony to a Godly marriage. I have been married for 22 years and sometimes I wonder how did it go so fast, and other times I wonder how have we made it through the various trials. And there have been some doozies! God is faithful because it sure wasn't in either of us to survive some of the trials.

I use to live in Oregon, IL and contacted you and we were going to get together -- not sure if you remember that or not. You invited us to dinner for that very weekend, I think -- how I marveled and wish I had your gift of hospitality. Now, I live in Michigan (we moved very soon after I wrote you.) I learn something every time I read your blog and really appreciate all you write. Now to have time to read some of your older articles!
God Bless, Dana

Jena Webber said...

Dana-- I hope you can get this comment. yes, the offer is still good to visit! I hope we can find a way to connect. Your comments tickled me, and I thank you for them. I think my email is the same. I found you on Google plus, but I have no idea how to make a message go through. :) Be blessed and thank you for your kind words.