Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Making new best friends part 1

I'm probably going to take all of the fun out of this by dissecting it, but here goes.  Some of you who read and commented on my newest best friends post all seem to ask the same question: how do you go around making friends with.. everybody???  

Well, the truth is this.  For the same reasons that I am able to make friends with new people all the time is also the same reason I overwhelm others who are forced to be with me on a regular basis.  

Really, I will try to paint a picture of what's going on in my head while I'm out making new best friends, but in the end, you may not be impressed. 

So, without further ado.... my thoughts on making friends.

1) Stop being self-conscious.  When I look at myself in the mirror, I'm not always "thrilled" either.  I try to get passed that and see what I look like with a smile on.  It's not too bad.  You should try it.  I convince myself that: when I smile, no one is looking at my blotchy face and pock marks and all that.. unless they are dissecting me with a microscope, in which case... I'm not sure I want to be around them anyway.  

2) Now that I've decided that "I'm O.K.", I'm free to think happy thoughts about something other than myself.  It's a great feeling.  It's not as complicated as you might think.  I think being simple-minded has it's advantages, don't you? You don't always need to be singing "the wonderful grace of Jesus" at the top of your lungs to be in the presence of the Lord, it can be very simple thoughts like "that's a pretty flower"  or "I wonder if Deanna will be there today"  or "I like that book we read last night". 

3) When you see people, just love them.  It may not be a big emotion.  God loves people--all people.  We are just his instruments for the moment to bless someone.  They may not even know God, but they know you.  Or they'll meet you.  Maybe they'll see compassion in your eyes or a warmth in your smile.  Maybe they'll hear a happiness in your voice.  If these are all here at all,  it is because of Jesus.    

This is just a start of how to make friends.  So far, we haven't even interacted with anyone yet, but I think there's enough there to think about.  These things can all happen simultaneously and without much effort if you have trained your mind to think that way.  I do not consciously think about these things anymore; it has become a habit.  The only time I think about it is when the "intruders" (negative thoughts and self-focus) start attacking me and my happiness!  


Shanna said...

#1 is the hardest to overcome. I tend to ignore the way I look. The broken record of being worthless just won't shut off. It's sad when only 10 years of it playing by the controller trumps the almost 20 years of being out of his physical grips.

I don't make friends easy, but you are right, I have strong friendships within a small circle. It's not that I don't like people, I'm afraid that they won't like me based on the broken record that keeps playing. In fact, #3 comes alot easier than the others and it's the others that prevent an initial/new friendship 'sticking'.

L2L said...

Being a military wife has been a great fit for me because I always enjoy meeting new people as they are always prospects of a friendship that will last forever!! I also heard a saying once: Accept people for who they are and not how you expect them to be, that has been trasforming for me as to how I see people now, thanks for sharing such a great post!!

Anonymous said...

Great points! This stuff is important just for general happiness as well as for making friends. But it's so true that you have to get your mind off yourself and genuinely love others. After all, they just want someone to like them, too. They don't really care so much what that person looks like, or how smart that person is. Genuine love and appreciation are always a blessing.

Scribbit said...

Good tips--my husband has always said that if you treat people as if you want them to know how much you like them then they automatically will. That's probably true.

Anonymous said...

I think this is wonderful - thank you for posting it.

Anonymous said...

we have a lot in common. I love talking to people, all people!