Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Making new best friends part 3

Lately, I've been talking about making new best friends.
Part 1 and part 2 will get you started if you would like to get caught up with the friend-making classes. hhmm..

Getting to know someone is risky and can seem awkward, but it can be as smooth as frog's hair (as my Mom would say) if it is just a part of who you are naturally. If you don't have any other motives than to be kind and make friends, people will be naturally attracted to that-- to you!

1. Getting together over a mutual interest can be a really nice way to start.

"I see you like to swim, would like to swim together some time?"

"Our little ones seem to play together so well, we should start a play group"

"Do you know how to cook Thai food? Would you be interested in showing me how to do it?"

"Oh, I love silk batiks. I can't believe you make them! I would love to see your collection"

"Hey, the quilt shop is having a sale this weekend. Would you like to go and hit the coffee shop afterwards?"

See.. how easy it is??

2. Setting a concrete day, time and place of getting together again shows that you care about fostering the friendship. Always saying, "yeah.. we should get together some time.." means "I'm not sure I want that right now" So, without being pushy, make the event more concrete.

If you get a response like, "my schedule is too busy" or "I'm not ready for that" , don't take it too hard. Just move on and find someone else who enjoys your company. Remember, everyone is busy. We need to be patient. Like minds eventually find each other!

Chances are, the newest best friend will say, "sure! what a neat idea!"

3. If the new friend has a lot of children and (you do also), it may be complicated at first to meet in your home/ their home, unless you have a real feel that personality/ parenting styles are the same. It's very rare to meet someone who has the exact parenting parameters that you have. So, you can meet at a park or the playland or something public. If things get too haired, you can leave when you've had enough. With preschoolers, nap schedules, food likes and dislikes, potty-training, nursing schedules, etc. it's a wonder why moms aren't more social, eh?

So, plan for a smooth first time--hoping for the best and planning for the worst!

When all is said and done, you'll be glad you took the risk, were inconvenienced, and came out of your shell--to make a new best friend!


Anonymous said...

I really like your idea about meeting on neutral ground first. That also avoids the lack of supervision that often happens with children running off to some bedroom somewhere to do who knows what with kids you barely know while you try to become new best friends with their Mom. At a park, everyone expects you to watch your kids; it would be dangerous not to.

Erin said...

I just wanted to let you know that I gave you a blog award. I am loving your making new best friends series. Thanks